Let’s hope flopping flops

In this week’s installment of “Things that bother me about my favorite league, the NBA,” we will discuss the flop.

Now, for those unfamiliar with the term, the “flop” is defined as such:
noun- The blatant act of over exaggerating contact in an attempt at drawing a foul, either offensive or defensive. Usually performed by players lacking athleticism. See: foreigners.

Now, before I get lots of hate mail for that last part, allow me to present a few examples.

Exhibit A: Vlade Divac. The originator of the flop. Seriously, this guy could fall over from a strong breeze. Not only was he the originator of the flop, but he was by far the most effective user. Part of this was the fact that he was very good at timing the flop, but most of it had to do with the fact that the league had never seen anything like the flop. When Vlade was in his prime the league was in a transitional phase. In years past, players were allowed to hit each other and not have to worry about missing games (watch the hit on Rambis in the playoffs against the Celtics).

Because younger players were climbing the ranks and marketing was becoming more valuable by the day, the league was changing to protect its players, thus calling more fouls. Vlade took advantage of this by exaggerating contact to draw the attention of the refs and making it look like a harder foul than it was.

Just to be clear, I love Vlade as a player. The best passing big man of all time, in my opinion. Seriously though, you’re seven feet tall, tough it out big fella.

Exhibit B: Anderson Varejao, or more commonly known as “Sideshow Bob.” Every time I watch Varejao I laugh even harder than the last time. Ignoring the fact that he needs a haircut like George Bush needs a thesaurus, Varejao leads the league in lame attempts at taking a charge.

What blows my mind the most is when he’s not flopping he’s pretending to be a tough guy. I’m sorry; did I miss the memo that says tough guys fall down at any hint of contact? At least Vlade could pass and shoot; Varejao is just a waste of space.

An honorable mention is Dirk Nowitzki, I don’t have nearly enough room to express my hatred of him.

Flopping, aside from being a pathetic excuse for defense, is making the game that much more difficult to officiate. Just because some people flop doesn’t mean there is never a charge. Ex-Celtic Leon Powe is probably the best in the league at positioning himself to take a charge. Leon took charges like a champ for the Celts last year, routinely stepping in and getting run over by player larger than him. The difference between Leon and exhibit A or B is Leon took the full force of the hit and didn’t try to sell it.

So with the flopping epidemic spreading like herpes at a basement party, the league needs to do something to slow it down. Allow me to present a dental dam.

Soccer has adopted a yellow card policy if a player is guilty of flopping. In soccer, two yellow cards and you’re out of the game. The NBA could definitely afford this policy and hand out a technical for a player found to be flopping in attempts to sway a referee’s call. Obviously the league couldn’t be strict enough to take away the option of trying to take a charge but perhaps it would be enough to get rid of all the fakers in the league.

No rule works to perfection, as is evidenced in the continued flopping in soccer, but at the rate the NBA is going, anything is worth a try.

Mike Steiner can be contacted at sports@keeneequinox.com