Guidance offered for students that want it

I forget when I was first called an asshole but I know it was probably at the start of my high school years. There I was, young, stupid and ready to give my opinion on everything, even if it wasn’t wanted. Giving my unwanted opinion eventually became kind of a hobby of mine and I always looked for ways to improve it. Somewhere down the line, my friends started taking advantage of it by getting me to do things they didn’t have the gall to do.

I have broken up with other people’s boyfriends/girlfriends for them, proofread papers and even told friend’s parents off for being too over-protective. I had become good at being assertive but had always used it for fun, never for anything serious. It was during my junior year of high school when I gave some very blunt and harsh advice to one of my friends.
The next day, my friend came up and thanked me, catching me off guard. Somehow, my attitude of being ruthlessly assertive had helped someone. Soon after, my friends started coming to me for advice on a regular basis. It became a trend to talk to the local C.P.A. about your problems. I had friends e-mailing me and calling me at all hours of the day.

Eventually, a friend gave my network of problem-solving advice a name and, thus, the “Phil Hotline” was born. It became common knowledge that the “Phil Hotline” was open 24/7, 365 days a year. Of course, many of my friends, not wanting to be a burden, hesitated at first. But soon, what used to be one phone call a month became at least one a week. If there was one catch to calling and asking my advice (because there’s always a catch), it’s the minute you call my number you give up any right to be offended by what I have to say about your “problem.”

Yeah, that’s right, go ahead and say it, “That guy’s an asshole.” My answer to that is, “Yeah, 15 percent of the time it’s true through and through, the rest of the time, I’m just brutally honest.” Years ago, I came to terms with the fact that I’m good at speaking my mind and shooting straight from the hip. Sometimes it has gotten me into more than a few tight spots but, for the most part, it has worked remarkably well for me and my friends, who seem to value this characteristic. My father once told me, if you are good at something, you should stick with it and use it the best you can. Maybe he was talking about a job or something along those lines but hey, I was small and I really took it to heart. So here I am now.

Well, now it’s your turn to ask for advice and find out what someone truly thinks about your “problems”.

Once a week (or so) I will answer five to ten, of what I consider to be the best issues sent to me. I will give advice on relationships, schoolwork, social interactions, invention ideas, private writings, zebras and just about anything else under the sun that your screwed up minds can think of. Please remember there are limitations. My advice on suicide questions is “Call for professional help.” For liability reasons I will never answer questions of that nature. Ever. I’m not a professional and don’t claim to be. Also, keep in mind this is an advice column, not an opinion column. Trust me, you don’t ever want my opinion on anything.

I will never divulge your name unless you want me to and I will always answer “Brutally Honest” (whether you like it or not).

 C.P.A. Phillip R. Sullivan
Send your problems to: psullivan2@ksc.mailcruiser.com.