Few embrace a loss of direction. There comes a time where we all are off in the world independently. For some, that freedom is daunting. For others, it’s a welcome change. Whether or not one accepts the transition from living with the folks to becoming a self-reliant grownup, it seems turning onto a new road is easier than learning and adapting to the eventual drive on it. Living on a college campus is that first turn. Moving off veers onto a second.
I forget when I was first called an asshole but I know it was probably at the start of my high school years. There I was, young, stupid and ready to give my opinion on everything, even if it wasn’t wanted. Giving my unwanted opinion eventually became kind of a hobby of mine and I always looked for ways to improve it. Somewhere down the line, my friends started taking advantage of it by getting me to do things they didn’t have the gall to do.
OZONE
Allow me to preface this by saying your name is embarrassing. For such a prestigious honor your title represents, “Oscar” does nothing to jostle the loins. Sesame Street’s Oscar the Grouch may well be the only other celebrity who matters with the name “Oscar.” Believe me, your recent grouchiness is challenging that of the notorious puppet.
With the job market at an all-time low and tuition prices through the roof, it seems everyone is at a loss as to a solution. We have finally hit rock-bottom in our existence; it has become more fiscally responsible to create your own reality TV show than pursue a career or an education.
Staff Commentary
During my college selection process, I desired to attend a school where I didn’t have to wear a jacket, could walk to the beach and soak up the sun. However, Keene is just the opposite of that. Even though I love Keene State College, it’s the weather here that makes me say to myself over and over again, “Why did I choose to go to school in New England?”
Editorial
Imagine a Keene State College Dean’s List student walking up to the stage on graduation day to accept their diploma. Only when they arrive, as the senior’s arm reaches out to grab the document they’ve worked four years to earn, the diploma disappears in a puff of smoke. Denied. It is later explained that the reason for the rejection was the result of unpaid parking tickets in Keene.
O-ZONE
No chemically balanced second grader would greet a children’s book titled “The Horror at Camp Jellyjam” without first consulting their physician. This is my thought process a decade-and-a-half after taking my first literary journey there. Author R.L. Stine’s story centered on Eliot and Wendy, siblings who accidentally end up staying at a sketchy sports summer camp. For fun on a road trip, Eliot and his older sister stay in a trailer attached to the car their parents are driving.
Staff Commentary
As those who know me well should be thoroughly aware, when I get amped up about something, I tend to develop a severe case of logorrhea (that is, diarrhea of the mouth). There is no cure once I’ve entered this state. I will inevitably give an earful to whoever is in range and willing to listen.
Staff Commentary
[Insert applause here] “Everywhere that freedom arrives, humanity rejoices; and everywhere that freedom stirs, let tyrants fear” (30 seconds of obnoxious applause). This amount of applause is typical after presidential speeches, like George W. Bush’s 2003 speech ‘Mission Accomplished.’ Obnoxious responses don’t just resonate in prominent speeches but popular sitcoms and comedy shows as well.
Staff Commentary
You know those overly-opinionated pricks that will stop at nothing to prove Disney is the bane of America’s existence? Well, with the release of Disney’s newest work, “The Princess and the Frog,” they can finally stop and say, “mission accomplished.”
